Archive

Archive for December, 2013

Happy Christmas to all our volunteers!

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Wishing everyone a happy, peaceful and safe Christmas and a prosperous New Year! Thank you for all your help during 2013. Bringing to a close for the activities for the year was the annual children’s Christmas Party, which was a great success. A record number of attendees, huge amounts of donated food and lots of help from Rotary, Roteract and others. We could not have done it without you! Thank you too to the volunteers from the Crisis Centre who came to assist, donated food and provided gifts. Thank you especially Deran Thompson who was our Santa and who sat patiently while child after child came to receive their gift and have their photo taken by professional photographer, David Knowles, to whom we are so grateful. Shoes for Tots kindly donated a whole box of crocs, which were gracefully received, for our younger children. Summit Academy also presented gifts to the Centre to be given to the children. The Organizing Committee did a wonderful job! So much kindness and generosity making the event such a success!

Categories: News

ABANDONING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP by Beaumont Todd

Abandoning AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Millions of women are physically, sexually, or emotionally abused every year by someone they know and love, possibly their husband or partner. It happens to women of all ages, races, religions and income levels. Although abusive relationships are not limited to just woman and the female gender the majority of abuse is usually instigated from men towards women.

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued and respected.

Healing the Nation

No one deserves to be abused. Yet it can be very difficult to decide to leave an abusive relationship. Many persons do not understand why if a person is hurting you why someone would stay in an abusive relationship. However, persons often in an abusive circumstance usually have more than one reason as to why they would not just leave or feel they cannot leave their unhealthy relationship.

Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships?

Many women stay in abusive relationships because they feel they have no choice. They are afraid that they will not be able to support themselves or their children. They are afraid that friends or family will think that they have failed. Some reasons women will stay in an abusive relationship are:

• Fear which includes fear of leaving, fear of staying, fear of reprisal and fear for her life.
• Financial dependence where many women have difficulty finding work to support her and her family, or have few or out dated job skills.
• Isolation where a woman is cut off from friends, family and any type of support system.
• Unaware of legal rights including the right to be protected and not abused.
• Lack of support where extended family members may not be willing or able to accommodate her and her children.
• Physical illness and inability to leave or have someone else to tend to their medical needs.
• Emotional dependence where she may still love her partner, especially in the “honeymoon period” where he is being attentive and loving.
• Social Pressures where she may have been pressured by parents, community, church to try and hold on.
• Low self-esteem where a woman may feel she is responsible for the success or failure of marriage, or relationship or feels responsible for the abuse and believes that she caused it.
• Acceptance of Abuse where some women may feel that family violence is normal, especially if she was physically abused as a child or witnessed her mother being beaten
• Accommodation where the lack of alternative housing may force a woman to stay.

THE TRUTH IS THAT THEY ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ABUSE AND TO STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP MAY RESULT IN SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH.

Warning signs an abuse partner:

1) Threatens to hurt or kill you, your children or your pets
2) Says it’s your fault if he or she hits you…then promises it will not happen again (but it does)
3)​ Puts you down in public or keeps you from contacting family or friends
4)​Throws you down, push, hit, choke, kick or slap you
5) Forces you to have sex when you don’t want to
6) Takes your money or refuse to give you money
7) Threatens to commit suicide
8) Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons

Family Violence and the Impact on Children

Violent behavior is learned and children who witness violence in the home often become either perpetrators or victims of violence in adulthood. Children who witness family violence tend not to perform as well as their peers in school, at sports and social interaction. A large percentage of young offenders charged with crimes against people have been exposed to domestic violence as children. Children who have witnessed domestic violence have a much greater chance of having behavioral problems. Children from violent homes may blame themselves, may have sleep problems, nightmares, stomach and headaches. Girls may become withdrawn and passive, boys aggressive and bullying.

Advice for leaving an abusive relationship

It can be very difficult to decide to leave an abusive relationship. Call the Crisis Centre for support; the counselors there can assist. . When you have decided to leave, pack a bag and leave it with a friend or neighbor. Make sure that you pack extra clothes and, if you have a child or children, pack a favorite toy.

We are one people created equal by God and for the purpose of loving and being loved. Let us work together to heal ourselves, families, communities, nation and world.

For more information check out our website at http://www.bahamascrisiscentre.org or contact us by email at bahamascrisiscentre@yahoo.com. IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, CALL THE CRISIS CENTRE ON 328-0922 OR 322-4999. IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER, CALL THE POLICE ON 919 OR 911.

Categories: Notes

The Destructive Power of Emotional Abuse by Beaumont Todd

THE BAHAMAS CRISIS CENTRE

The Destructive Power of Emotional Abuse

Growing up so often we were the told the phrase, “sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us.” How untrue this statement has proven to be. In our society where we are taught to suppress or ignore our feelings and emotions, or that they are inappropriate to express in general society or societal arenas, we have left ourselves both vulnerable and incapable of being able to fully functional as both logical and emotional beings.

The very emotions that act as a warning sign when something is amiss in our hearts, as does our nervous system when our bodies are in pain, we are taught to ignore. However the resultant effect of ignoring such a God given system of identifying the state of our hearts and thoughts leave us very vulnerable to both be exposed to and eventually accept emotional abuse as normal or something we may even consider we deserve. Whether this emotional abuse comes from another or even us, inflicting unhealthy words and thoughts upon ourselves.

What is emotional Abuse?

Healing the Nation

Domestic violence takes place within an intimate relationship and tends to get more severe and occur more often as time goes on. It can happen to anyone, in all kinds of relationships, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, social standing or age. Women and children are not the only victims of domestic violence. Men are victims of domestic violence as well. There are many reasons why we don’t know more about domestic abuse and violence against men.

First of all, the number of incidents of domestic violence against men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable statistics. Also, it has taken years to encourage women to report domestic violence whereas nothing has really been done to encourage men to report abuse. The idea that men could be victims of domestic violence is so unbelievable that most men would not think of reporting the situation. The first reaction most people would have when hearing a man was a victim of domestic violence is “What did HE do?” or “He must have deserved that!” However, violence is never justified, whether it is done to a man or a woman. Most men are reluctant to make a report for fear of being laughed at and considered “less than a man”.

What are the signs of a man experiencing Domestic Abuse?

The signs that the men are also victims of domestic violence are very similar to the signs of domestic violence against women.

Some of the signs are:

1) The woman calls the man bad names, insults him (publicly or privately) and tries to put him down every chance she has.

2) The woman tries to stop the man from going to work or to public places. She tries to prevent him from seeing his family members and friends. She isolates him.

3) The woman is excessively possessive and / or jealous and she tries to control her man in terms of the clothes he wears, how he spends his money and the places he can go to.

4) The woman threatens the man with violence and harm, particularly when she is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

5) The woman hits or hurts the man by kicking, punching, biting, slapping, pushing or choking him. The woman waits until the man is sleeping or resting and assaults him with or without a weapon, when he is in no position to defend himself.

6) The woman threatens to leave the man and to take their children with her if he tries to defend himself.

Despite all of the above, the woman blames the man for her behavior and, in many cases, so does society.

What Makes a Woman Violent Against a Man?

Listed below are some reasons why a partner turns violent against a man.

1) The woman is an alcoholic or under the influence of other drugs. As a result, she is not able to control her impulses and gets easily frustrated. If her partner tries to stop her or tries to reason with her, she might get violent and turn against her partner.

2) The woman has psychological problems. Personality disorders may cause a woman to commit domestic violence against the man.

3) The woman has unrealistic expectations or unrealistic demands in terms of material possessions they feel the man should provide for them. They often want more affection and attention from the man and are frustrated when he cannot provide what she wants. In many cases a woman feels she can change the man to how she wants him to be and cannot accept that this is unrealistic. When women who have unrealistic expectations or demands from their partners or husbands get frustrated, depressed, anxious or irritable the result from such reactions may make them violent. In most cases, the woman finds it difficult to accept responsibility for her behavior and therefore does not seek counseling, blaming instead her partner for her behavior.

We should also remember that domestic violence is not always physical and that the scars of verbal or emotional abuse will not be apparent to others. A man who is being verbally or emotionally abused is hardly likely to want to admit to his friends or family that he is hurt or distressed by the abuse. The idea that men could be victims of domestic violence is so unbelievable that most men would not think of reporting the situation. However abuse in any form regardless of who the victim is, is not acceptable and every victim should seek assistance to deal with it.

We are one people created equal by God and for the purpose of loving and being loved. Let us work together to Heal ourselves, families, communities, nation and world.

For more information check out our website at http://www.bahamascrisiscentre.org or contact us. Email us at bahamascrisiscentre@yahoo.com or call us at 328-0922.

Categories: Notes

Parenting Under Stress by Beaumont Todd

THE BAHAMAS CRISIS CENTRE

Parenting Under Stress

Stress is a Reality!

Although your family may be a source for joy in many ways, it is quite natural for the family to also be a great source of stress, whether it is financial, social or because of relationship problems.

Parenting can be very stressful. Whether you are a stay at home parent or a working parent, a single parent or a married parent, mother or father, parent of one child or several children; remaining cool, calm and full of energy can help get you through the day. Sometimes, we find stress so over-whelming that it affects our parenting skills and our children suffer as a result. It is important to recognize stress and to deal with it appropriately.

Michael was a typical working executive. He worked long hours on his job and had a very demanding schedule to ensure that he met his deadlines. He was often stressed out that the continuous demands of his job. In addition to the work the office was a very unsocial place where his co-workers constantly were trying to undermine one another to advance. This meant that in addition to trying to get a task accomplished, Michael also had to be vigilant about who he trusted and ensuring he was always at his best. Often Michael came home tired and weary. He rarely talked about his job at home, but because of being so tired after the day’s activities he rarely spent time with his wife and family. His relationship with both eventually disintegrated and his wife asked for a divorce. Michael drank heavily to deal with his problems prior to his wife leaving and even more so after their divorce. He eventually lost his job along with his family.

Kevin was also an executive who worked in the same building as Michael. He had different responsibilities but his work environment and job responsibilities were still very demanding and stressful. Daily before leaving work for home, Kevin took a walk to his car and prayed for peace before heading home. At home he and his wife talked about their day regularly and he always helped with the chores in the house and played with his children before retiring for the evening. He and his wife lived a very enjoyable life together with their family.

Healing the Nation

Balancing Work and Parenting many parents find it difficult to balance the demands of their jobs with the needs of their children. Looking after children is stressful but trying to meet the demands of bringing up children and working can challenge anyone.

It is important that children understand how important your work is to you but that they are even more important. Asking for help from family or friends can help to relieve some of your stress if necessary. Whether a parent or a grandparent, you have to commit quality time with the children, helping with homework, being there to listen to concerns and generally providing loving care and attention.

Understanding and identifying the areas of your life that are stressful is also very important in being able to balance and manage those areas so that you can be effective as a parent.

Stress can come in a number of forms two forms that greatly affect parenting in the home are relationship problems and financial stress.

Relationship problems

The stress resulting from relationship problems can seriously affect children. They may be c o n f u s e d by the arguments that are occurring in the home and may feel that they are responsible for the problems their parents are having. If the arguments become physical and abusive, the effect on children can be even more devastating. Stress can cause parents to become physically abusive, not only to each other but to their children as well.

Parents are responsible for recognizing that their behavior has become dangerous to them- selves and/ or to their family and to take action quickly. They should talk to someone. If they notice that their partner has become depressed, they should encourage him or her to seek help. Loving support from a partner who is depressed can go a long way in dealing with the problem.

Financial Stress

Depression can result from any type of stress, particularly financial problems. It is a serious condition which can lead to self-harm or harm to others if not treated.

Financial stress is a leading cause to a rising level of domestic and child abuse. Many stressed out parents place too much pressure on their children, which may cause the child to become stressed, depressed or anxious.

Numerous factors create stress within a family, but the current world financial crisis is hitting many homes, both here in The Bahamas and all over the world.

How should parents deal with financial, relationship or other stress?

Hints For Dealing With Stress

• Adapt spending habits in order to minimize stress.
• Try to stay positive
• Spend more time with your children, finding ways to enjoy time together that do not cost money. Reading, talking, walking on the beach, all of these activities are cost-free and develop close and loving relationships between parents and children
• •Start a new hobby with the entire family
• Adapt your lifestyle to cut down on spending, if your stress is caused by financial problems
• Ask for support from friends, family, the Crisis Centre, your church or Social Services
• Seek counseling for ongoing support and advice
If you feel yourself losing control:

• Take a deep breath and go to a quiet place to calm down
• Telephone a friend if there is no-one at home to support you
• Go for a walk if there is someone home to watch the children
• Seek counseling to assist you through difficult times
We are one people created equal by God and for the purpose of loving and being loved. Let us work together to Heal ourselves, families, communities, nation and world.

If you would like to talk to someone about anything that is bothering you, please call 328-0922. For more information check out our website at http://www.bahamascrisiscentre.org or contact us. Email us at bahamascrisiscentre@yahoo.com or call us at 328-0922.

Categories: Notes

Building confidence and self esteem by Beaumont Todd

THE BAHAMAS CRISIS CENTRE

Building Confidence and Esteem

One of the most important gifts you can ever give a child is letting them know that they are loved and to help them develop a good self-confidence. For many persons we sometimes do not understand just how important having a good self-esteem about oneself affects the quality of an individual’s life. The way we view ourselves affects how we live and what we do at every level.

Why is self-confidence and self-esteem important?

It is important to be confident because you allow yourself to take more risks, meet new people, and try new things in life. When you are comfortable and confident with yourself and body it make you much happier and you are able to enjoy everything life has to offer without worrying about what other people may think.

Self-esteem is a feeling. It is our own idea of our worth. How good do we feel about ourselves? Do we believe we can succeed? Do we believe we are loved? How we feel affects how we act and behave towards others. It also affects how we learn, work and play. People who have high self-esteem are sure of themselves. They feel confident. They tend to have good relationships. They are less negatively influenced by their peers. They tend to make good decisions. People with low self-esteem may feel alone and unloved. They may be withdrawn and feel they have no control over what they get in life. People with high self-esteem feel good about themselves. So they are usually treated well by others. People with high self-esteem tend to expect to succeed in school and career.

Self-esteem is really a cycle where having high self-esteem helps a person to succeed. In turn our success raises self-esteem, whereas also when a person constantly experiences failures their self-esteem is greatly lowered. Self-esteem makes a great impact on our lives. It affects our relationships, our school work, our friendships and how successful we become.

Healing the Nation

How does self-esteem affect us?

High self-esteem will give our children the confidence they need to succeed and be happy and content in their world. Research has shown that children with low self-esteem may do poorly in school even though they are very smart. This is because children with low self-esteem may feel anxious, worried, pressured and fearful of failure. This can occur particularly during teen-age years, when peer pressure and body image seem so important. High self-esteem helps us to have healthy relationships with others and to be fun to be around. People with high self-esteem tend to be very popular with their peers. People with low self-esteem have the need to seek approval from others. Children with low self-esteem are more often affected by peer pressure, especially during their teenage years. Self-esteem also affects our creativity. Being creative means taking some risks and we need to be confident that people will accept us whether we are successful or not. That allows us to try new things without being fearful of failure. People with low self-esteem may not be willing to take risks for fear of failing so they tend to be less creative. They are afraid to appear different and so they try to be the same as their friends.

Signs of High Self-Esteem

• Proud of what he or she achieves
• Takes responsibility
• Is able to deal with challenges
• Shows feelings easily but appropriately
• Is eager to try new things

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

• Avoids situations that cause anxiety
• Puts down his or her talents
• Blames others for failures
• Is easily influenced by others
• Is defensive and easily frustrated

In order to develop a healthy sense of self, we must also develop a healthy and good self-esteem for ourselves.

Conditions we need to develop good confidence and esteem

• Connectedness means that a person feels they belong in a positive way and that they are important to others.
• Uniqueness means we see and respect the things that make us special and different and that we are liked by others for having these qualities.
• Power comes from knowing we can positively affect events in our lives.
• Having Good Role-Models provide us with positive examples for our lives and help us to develop our own value system.
How to build confidence?

At Home

Parents with high self-esteem are likely to have children with high self-esteem and confidence. They should practice unconditional love and acceptance of their children, as well as clearly defined limits in the home, with discipline being administered not in anger and abuse, but in love and concern for the child’s well-being and development.

At School

Teachers with high self-esteem who like themselves and what they are doing are able to inspire the children they teach. They know how to motivate their students.

Teen Issues

Body image is very important to teens particularly. Many are not happy with how they look…their weight, their height, face, skin, hair etc. Some peers can be very cruel with their comments and children with low self-esteem may become depressed as a result of negative comments. Teachers should always encourage their students to respect each other and to appreciate that each person is unique and wonderfully made, with special talents and abilities. High self-esteem will give children the confidence and skills they need to cope with the future.

Building Confidence in ourselves and our children is a gift that no one can ever take away.

We are one people created equal by God and for the purpose of loving and being loved. Let us work together to Heal ourselves, families, communities, nation and world.

If you would like to talk to someone about anything that is bothering you, please call 328-0922 or 322-4999. For more information check out our website at http://www.bahamascrisiscentre.org or contact us. Email us at bahamascrisiscentre@yahoo.com or call us.

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Categories: Notes